Oh yeah, I have a blog. In the midst of going to Europe, changing my room, starting school, getting sick and jerking off 11 times a day, I lost sight of what's truly important in my life: rambling about things that piss me off. Of course, the downside of this is that I have to try and come up with something vaguely meaningful or novel, lest it seep into the muck of normal bitchiness. Because this type of motivation is difficult to stir at will, I will excuse the fact that I rarely post, and even when I do, it's woefully inadequate.
With this in mind, I'm really pissed off that my underwear is inside out right now. OK, I know there are tags that indicate the correct orientation of my undergarments, but what is the necessity of having an inside and an outside to my underwear? I mean, the only difference between one and the other is the tag. And honestly, why should underwear orientation not be rotated? Why expose the same exact fabric to the same exact areas again and again and again? Flipping over will evenly distribute the embarrassing stains, permanent scents and maybe make it half as easy to make a hole in your underwear.
While we're at the liberalization of underwear, why must we charge people to wear underwear? Is it not some sort of a public good to spread underwear to the world? Wouldn't it be scary if everyone always went commando? Sure it sounds kind of communist giving clothes to people, but is an abundance of underwear really un-American? I certainly don't think so. It's a similar story for toilets: "for customer use only". Let's consider the options at hand. 1.) I pee on your store. 2.) I pee on myself. 3.) I pee in your god damn bathroom. My decision is kind of a no brainer. What does anyone have to gain by preventing people from using the restroom? That your restroom will be one use cleaner? Because your customers' shit doesn't stink? What the hell is going on here?
America has a lot of problems, a plethora of heinous policies, but the one thing we get right is the abundance of free public restrooms. Sure, there isn't one on every corner, but when the urge arises, you can probably make do - even if you don't have any money on you. Does this not bring a smile to your face? Me, you, all of us, we can pee for free. Go, right now, go pee. Enjoy this freedom. Use it well. But keep this one caveat in mind:
Be an adult, not a kid; hit the toilit, not the lid. Amen.
