I have this really odd incongruence with my clothes, as I noticed today. It turns out, I have enough shirts to last me for about a month, enough socks to last me for three, but only enough underwear to last me for two weeks. I could have sworn that I had more underwear than that, as I've bought it on multiple occassions and stolen it from home. So, I guess all that's left to say is...
One of the worst feelings in life is to have nothing to look forward to, the realization that there's no growth, that each day is exactly the same and that it may always be that way. I guess I've always felt that way on and off, but when I think about the future, it gets ugly. I don't want to wake up at 40, 30 even, and realize that my life is empty and stupid.
It's just like shopping for shoes - I have no idea what I want, but I have clearly defined standards regarding what I don't want. I don't want to live in suburbia, I don't want to work in a cubicle, I don't want to live the same day over and over again with no change. Hopefully things will be different after these classes are over. I just feel like I have no reason to wake up in the morning other than to perpetuate my current condition.
Fuck it. I'm just going to listen to Spoon for my last five minutes before going to class, because Spoon is delightful. More things in my life need to be delightful.
Thankfully, only two and a half more weeks of class. This is a good thing, because I get the hell out of this frat at that time, and move myself to bigger and better things.
In retrospect, Bowles Hall really wasn't that bad. It was nice to live in a quad; there were always people to talk to and hang out with if you were so inclined. Of course, my quadmates usually were not, but if you felt like it you could just tear them from their laptops and they would talk to you.
Here much more effort is involved in talking to people that I barely know. I'm a very persistent person - if you tell me what I need to do, it will probably get done. Case in point: KALX. They say, "volunteer here for 3 months, 12 hours a month". I say, "OK". I didn't know how to do anything at first, but I just kept going and they would find things for me to do. On the contrary, the OCF is more of a do it yourself organization, which would probably be helpful if I knew how to do anything, which I clearly don't.
I know they're going to be skeptical that I was even there, because I do so remarkably little. Ah, well. I hope with time I can acclamate myself and become an active contributor.
If you've never heard "Oh, Sweet Nuthin'" by The Velvet Underground, do yourself a favor. I'll e-mail it to you if you can't find it. It's that good.
I was reading this journal of Oberlin acceptees today, and it kind of mad me sad. I got to thinking, what would people at Berkeley put up to describe thier last summer before going to college?
"I'm taking classes and stuff."
That's so lame. I'm dropping out of school, moving to an artists' colony, shaving off my pubic hair and gluing it onto an American flag in protest of sexual oppression.
Sorry about the lack of updates here, I've actually been pretty busy. Friday was pretty ugly - even with the help of a good bagel I did amazingly poorly on my Linear Algebra midterm, and then I failed a Cog Sci quiz directly after that, which comes as little surprise.
Emma asked me what I was doing, to which the response was a resounding "nothing". She asked me if I wanted to hang out, to which the response was a resounding "yes". She said she would call me, and she never did. So I was forced to revert back to my old plans, which isn't so tragic as it might seem. I just...didn't do anything. I spent Saturday in San Francisco with my Aunt and Uncle from Florida, which was fun. I also got to eat a delicious crepe, ice cream at Ghiradelli Square, a cheeseburger with swiss cheese and grilled onions, and then some sushi. It was a good day.
I came back and slept for nearly 12 hours, pretty much destroying my morning person streak. So before tomorrow, I have a couple of maybe-plans, one probably-plan, and one definitely-assignment. Eh, assignments can get put off. I'm pretty ecstatic that I don't have any Math homework due on Monday, and no 55 homework on Tuesday. Finally, time to relax.
It also looks like Oleg will be returning to Berkeley this weekend, so that's pretty cool. I'll have to, like, clean and stuff. It was bound to happen eventually...
