OK, I think I'm going to change my emphasis in Cog Sci from Computational Modeling to Cognitive Neuroscience. It results in taking...two more classes, I think. Unfortunately, it looks like my "Literature and Values" breadth is not going to be filled by my mandatory Philosophy class, which seems exceedingly stupid. Also frightening is the fact that I'm going to have to take two semesters of actual musical performance. I don't really play anything in the "ensemble" sense of the word, which is why I'm scared. I guess I might end up learning how to play the cello after all.
Schedule planning is remarkably uncool. Although I am down with the idea of taking lots of interesting neuroscience courses, and doing some cool fMRI research. One can dream, yes?
Anyway, today's been slow, recovering from quizzes and midterms so I don't want to do any work. I should go return my library books, but I don't want to admit defeat quite yet. Of course, I also don't want to start reading these books only to get hooked and forced to pay oppressive late fees and whatnot.
Cog Sci midterm, Math quiz, all done. Thank the fucking lord. I decided to not worry about this assignment, and let it be one of the three that don't get counted.
Anyway, this weekend is looking like it may be full of homework and otherwise uneventful, while next weekend everybody and their brother has something going on. To this I respond, "What the fuck." I swear, why can't the world just conform to my schedule? It's not too difficult to ask. C'mon, people now. Do shit this weekend.
Yesterday I bought a donut, which was really grand. I like donuts a lot. In fact, I like eating in general. You don't have to worry about what others will think of you, or whether you're thinking something inappropriate, or anything of that sort. You just enjoy your fucking food, and ain't nobody can tell you you're wrong.
I'm quite tired, though. I woke up this morning at 5:30 in the morning, after going to bed after midnight. I don't know, I guess I'm sort of becoming a morning person, as crazy as that sounds. You know why? It's bagels. Those things are worth getting up for, and if it's not morning they just don't taste right. So let's all have a bagel praising kumbayaa. Or however the fuck that's spelled.
I almost lost my cool today. I was there in Math 54, listening to this guy lecture about the most banal and pathetic shit ever, and all I can think about is how if I were a man-eating beast, he would be the first one to go. I guess I was really getting angry when he was telling some other kid in the class how there are no makeup midterms, and how he'll just have to receive a zero if he decides to use his nonrefundable plane ticket to go to a wedding in India. What an asshole.
Anyway, I have an assload of studying to do. Tomorrow: midterm and quiz. Wish me luck
I want a life. Like, the kind where you hang out with people on a semi-regular basis and talk about nifty things and do cool shit. A good attitude just feels kind of lame when it's just me having my good attitude. Alone.
*sniff*
But I'm not really just sad, I just recognize the need for change. Only about a month to go here at frat house central, then my normal life may resume. I guess I should be thinking about what I'll do in the fall. KALX, OCF, HKN, some DeCals, CS 61B, History 160, EE (20 or 40), Music 20B, and I could probably fit another class in there. Maybe an upper division Philosophy. Or a cool upper division music class. Although I have to be a CS reader, so that probably won't work out. Or, if I'm not a CS reader, I have to find some form of getting paid.
The secret to a happy life is a good attitude. The secret to a good attitude...I'm still working on that one, but it has something to do with having a happy life.
The world needs more Cheesecake, more burritos, and less math teachers who remind me of Mrs. Sitkewich. That woman keeps haunting my very existence.
I got a B- on my Math midterm that I was so confident about. I can probably argue it up to a B, but B- = bad. Bad = sad. Sad = mad. Wow, I'm tired. Tired to the extent that Dr. Seuss-speak is making some sense.
Do you want to have fun with me? I try to have fun by myself, but it's not really that exciting. We can like...see a movie or something. I make jokes sometimes. I can be real funny...see: :-D
Damn, I crack myself up.
I just had this intense urge to draw a smiley face on my finger and talk to myself like that ziplock back spokesfinger. That would have been kind of entertaining. I wonder what my fingers would say if they could talk.
"No, not again! Don't stick me there..."
I saw Men In Black II, right, but the only thing that stuck in my head is Michael Jackson saying "I can be Agent M!" over and over again. It was pretty funny, but I have to convince myself that it's getting old before it gets too old and I have to do something drastic.
Since all my toilet paper that I donate to the bathroom gets used up so quickly, I've decided that I'm going to carry my own personal roll into the bathroom when it's needed. I know it's kind of cheesy and unfair to the rest of the world, but I shouldn't have to suffer so you can wipe your ass.
Damn, I be a-feeling tired. But if I go to bed, I'll fall asleep, and if I fall asleep I'll be unconscious, and if I'm unconscious I won't note the passing of time, and if I don't note the passing of time, I'll wake up tomorrow morning having lost the entire night, and if I wake up tomorrow morning I'll do homework, but if I've lost the entire night and then I have to do homework after having spent an entire day working, I'll just be exceedingly sad. But maybe I'll be more coherent afterwards.
Life is full of difficult decisions, my good man. Many difficult decisions. Yup yup yup.
Right now I'm caught in that limbo between doing homework and doing anything else. So...I'm sitting here, checking my e-mail over and over again and listening to "Dream Girl" by The Baldwin Brothers. Actually, it's the Pilgrims Of The Mind Remix, but I like it. It's good.
I finished reviewing all my records for KALX, and this batch has a lot of crummy records in it. So my apologies to Anna Waronker, Brian Conway, the Dollar Canon and whoever else doesn't get my seal of approval. Maybe they're truly brilliant and I just haven't figured it out yet. Hence the apology.
I'm working on this non-elitist thing, y'know, but it's hard. It's real hard.
One thing I've always admired about my mother is her incredible ability to alter her feelings depending on what's appropriate for the situation. I met my family today in the city, and the first thing I saw was my mother crying. She was talking on the phone, and the first thing I could make out was "how did they find him?" This either meant that a small child had run away and she was exceptionally happy to have him return, or that someone had died and been discovered. Unfortunately, it was the latter.
My brother was at a friend's house, and his father went for a hike and never came back. It's quite sad, I feel for this kid. We had planned to go on a free tour of Haight-Ashbury, but it had been cancelled. My mom, seconds after crying rather hysterically, puts on a happy face to ask what other tours are being offered today. Either she really doesn't care, or she can control her emotions better than anyone I've ever met. Again, the latter. At least I hope so.
Anyway, she managed to have a good day in the city, making comments about the death in between lamenting her bad week and pulling a passive agressive act on my father, who was angry that the restaurant at which we were eating did not serve Diet Coke. I tried not to look at her, I didn't want to see this vacillation, it made me unsettled. I'm still kind of unsettled now. I didn't know this man, I barely know my brother's friend, yet I still feel bad for their family. I felt guilty having fun. Of course, it passed, which sounds utterly callous. Oh, well.
Aside from talking about death, my parents bought me albums by Nina Nastasia and The Microphones and took me to see Men In Black II. The movie was nothing surprising or out of the ordinary, but the astounding lack of character development left me a little disappointed. We can see aliens any time, but meeting cool people, that's really worthwhile.
After the movie, my mom forced me to go shopping, and threw clothes at me until we found something that fit and looked normal enough. I hate shopping, especially at places like Old Navy. That place kind of irks me. I don't think I'm obsessed with appearances, and I try to be tolerant of people who are, but honestly, why submit to what Old Navy tells you is cool? I mean, if you're going to wear a faded t-shirt that says "Brooklyn" on it, you can at least buy it in fucking Brooklyn before it's fucking faded. Or make your own damn style. People don't realize that what makes them cool is their attitude rather than their clothing style. Stupid people in this stupid world. Get with the program and wear Spanish Honor Society t-shirts like me.
Anyway, I'm supposed to do homework now, but that's not going on. Maybe later. Or maybe not...
I appear to have purchased 18 CDs since moving in to this frat house. Go me.
These choppy paragraphs mean that I'm running out of steam.
Which means that it's time to end.
Which means that my chance meeting with Justin Sabet-Peyman will go undocumented forever and ever. I'm sure he'll be disappointed.
