Stupid me. Yeah, I'd basically like to apologize to everyone that knows me for being such a miserable ass most of the time. When I'm not overly depressed, I just seem to be manically sadistic and uncontrollable. Such is life, I suppose.
So, Christianity. That's the topic of today's pseudo-intellectual entry. Me, I'm fairly confident that I'll never be a Christian. I was under the impression that my more thoughtful friends would remain in the same religious vein as me, yet here they are, becoming Christians. How curious. And then there's me, in the group investigating God. The "GiG". I couldn't see any good reason not to join, so I did. I wonder if I'm down the path to being converted as well. Something tells me that I'm not, because it doesn't seem like my style. Of course, it doesn't seem like anyone's style before they do it. I just don't think it's correct, I think it's a mass delusion spawned in order to create peace of mind and enforce the law. Do I need peace of mind? Of course, but not at the expense of subscribing to what I believe is true.
And I'm trying not to pass judgment on my Christian friends, but it's hard. Yeah, I can be a real asshole sometimes. But I try to be a realistic asshole.
HKN initiation is tonight, I have no idea what I'm supposed to wear. I guess I'll watch the CS "Culture Day" lecture online while it's happening and just blow off the course survey. Hell, I'm supposed to administer them, I can probably fill one out later if I really want to.
Thankfully I'll have to avoid most of the people I know today to do HKN bullshit, so perhaps they'll forget about what a dumb fuck I am. Let's hope I do too.
After being deliriously happy today and ridiculously depressed yesterday, I've pretty much landed at my happy medium. Well, I don't know about happy, but you get the idea. I'm torn between my desire to relax and my desire to study and do really well on my finals. I mean, I want to do both, pretty bad. Augh. I guess I have to make some sort of a decision. OK! I've made it! I'm going to study my ass off, then spend an entire month relaxing. Now, I just have to stay motivated to do that, and everything will be OK.
The likelihood of that happening is pretty slim. Oh, well. I also want to be a really good DJ on the radio, which requires me spending exorbitant periods of time in the library listening to obscure soul, which I'd love to do for an entire week, solely preparing for my show. Unfortunately, this is not possible. Oh, I have to find other good stuff to play as well. I mean, not just soul. Need diversity. Right now, I have Soul, Indie Rock and Celtic occupying my show on a semi-regular level. Surprisingly enough, this is exactly what my dad listens to. I wonder if I sculp my show around what he likes - I know I'm thinking about it a lot, because he was always my first real audience in terms of DJ-ing. For the better part of a year, I would make a mix tape for him every week or two (a mix playlist of mp3's actually), and I would get his feedback and try to come up with a collection of songs that would satisfy him. It wasn't easy, but I got pretty good at it. I want to be different, though, and grow musically. Not just become my father. Of course, making a conscious effort to *not* be like my dad really isn't the way to go.
Eh. I should just not pay attention to it, not analyze it. Just sit back and listen to some sweet soul and bitchin' fiddle and all that good stuff. Yeah. I'll do that
I am so done with my CS project. Yay! I'm so happy. In fact, this week is going to be *great*. I'm having a Physics homework doing party on Thursday night, for the last physics homework of my entire llife! Tonight/Tuesday morning I have a show, which is gonna be fun. I'm going to have fun. I've decided.
This summer I'm going to have fun too. Without housing. Maybe I can find a quiet room on campus to just occupy. Or a large handicapped bathroom.
And today is a beautiful day. God, it's good to be alive. Everyone who doesn't feel that way should hang out with me and make us both feel even happier. Heh, yesterday I would have kicked anyone this happy in the nuts. But not today! Yay Pseudo Manic Depression
So after yesterday's masterful decision to not work on my Computer Science project, here I am, in the lab, working on it, more or less completely lost. My group has pretty much ditched me, and I'm just sitting here staring at my open inbox hoping someone will respond to my mail and help fix this thing.
My grade in this class is a little shaky, so I'm in desperate need of every point I can get. Unfortunately, I don't think the rest of my group cares quite as much. Fuckin' bummer, I say. So, now I have CS homework due tomorrow, in addition to Math homework due on Tuesday, and a middle of the night radio show as well Tuesday morning. Not much fun to be had right now. Especially since I haven't really made any progress in the last two hours.
