Today it kind of occurred to me about how my exploding people story should proceed. In case you haven't heard about it, here it goes.
Meet, Billy. As an infant, he terrorized hospitals by causing nurses and doctors to randomly explode into millions of giblets. While the reason was unknown then, his parents finally discovered that whenever he was happy, people would just "pop". As a result, they proceeded to make Billy as unhappy as possible.
And so my story goes. I'm thinking of cruel and sadistic ways to keep a child perpetually unahppy for the good of humanity, but if you come up with any, you know where to reach me.
I have a great scene in mind where a ten-year old Billy walks into a church, and a nun comes up to him and asks him why he's so unhappy. He proceeds to explain that nobody loves him, and that he will always be doomed. But he looks upon the nun's smiling visage and hears her comforting words, that God will always love Billy no matter what. And in a great fluorish of joy, she will explode into lots of bloody pieces all over the child.
Man, sometimes Bowles Hall just feels like a giant middle school. Thanks for stuffing both of our toilets so completely full of toilet paper that our bathroom floors are wet and there's no possibility of flushing. Yay!
Oh, yes. On a much happier note, I scored 9 points above the mean on my Physics midterm. I think that's about half a standard deviation, whatever the fuck that means.
There are only a couple more physics homeworks left, and then I will finally be free from that terrible subject. It's not so much that I dislike it, because that's only a mild response. It's more that I'm never prepared for it, I've never been good at it, and fuckin' everyone else is smarter than me in that class. It drives me insane.
So, instead of doing something rational about the situation, I just sit there on the verge of irrational tears and think to myself how I would rather be elsewhere, doing other things. Meaningful things. Things like the people around me are doing. Planning outings for themselves, having fun, talking. Making fun of me for various reasons I don't agree with. Well, that last one wasn't so meaningful. But tonight was kind of bad. And that's really unfortuante, because this morning started off pretty nicely.
Why am I such a moody little buttfuck? I can't pin it down to anything except Physics homework, and Math homework, and other things...so, I guess it's not so much related to that shit or else it wouldn't have such a profound effect on me. But it always seems to anyway. Damn it. I know that I have the will to beat Physics, to stay happy about the world, to overcome the malicious tendencies that enter my mind along with Ampere and Gauss and the other harbingers of doom. But I don't. I just sit there, and become overcome with meaningless feelings of idocy and inadequateness.
But no more, after this semester. Then I'll get to do Electrical Engineering, which is basically the same thing. Whee.
My singin' buddy Olcay the Turk hooked me up to his mp3 collection, and I leeched some more Radiohead and a band called Gomez, who I've heard of but not yet heard. Right now, to be perfectly honest, I'm letting Damien Jurado make me feel better. He really kicks some ass.
In retrospect, it seems hard to get uncontrollably angry at music, much harder than a person with good intentions. I mean, music just seems to transcend all that bullshit with interaction and pretense and get to the nitty gritty.
So, at this point in time, I'd like to extend my thanks to...
Damien Jurado
Belle & Sebastian
Superchunk
Daedalus
Fontella Bass
and any other random artists that have kept me from not going on a physics-inspired killing spree.
And, should they be reading, I'd like to apologize to the following people for being an irresponsible dick with response to physics...
Oleg
Jeff
Brian
Ian
Josie
Neal
Jenn
and anyone else who basically came to the same realization that I did.
And now, a list of fruits that I often enjoy.
Canteloupe
Apple
Honeydew Melon (is that one word or two?)
Bananas
Cucumbers
And the one thing I like most about Christianity...
God damn, there's good music in the world. Actually, there's lots of good things in the world. I feel good right now. I have lots of work to do over the weekend, but it's in some of my favorite classes, which I actually enjoy, so I'm kind of looking forward to it in some perverse way.
I'm looking forward to the month of June, when I have nothing to do except work on my feeble little web page and play my songs and relax. Maybe I'll write something. Or maybe I'll read a book. Maybe I'll meet some interesting people. Maybe I'll chill out in San Francisco. There's a wealth of things to do when you're not confined by school.
But even being confined by school isn't so terrible. At lesat I like MCB and CS, because that's what this weekend will be devoted to.
That, and listening to Damien Jurado. Damn, he's good. In fact, I think I like this album better than his past ones. He rocks out pretty well.
I'm going to Math today! Hahaha! I set my alarm to go to physics, and I remember waking up at 8 something and thinking to myself, "I got plenty o' time". Then I remember waking up at 10:30 thinking to myself, "what the fuck happened there?"
I need, need, need a new alarm clock. I haven't been able to wake up when I wanted to this past week, and that's a pretty bad thing, although it really has been keeping me with a good amount of sleep.
I really suck at going to bed early. I mean, really really. I'm waking up at 8:00 tomorrow, and here I am at 4:30 AM posting to my silly little log, waiting for interesting people to give me insight into my life. Apparently, the interesting peple are also the ones with the sprained fingers and ensuing abstention from worthwhile e-mails. Damn you folk.
I realized that I'm totally fucked this week, which is starting to hit home. I have a test/quiz/homework assignment virtually every day this week, not to mention two huge assignments due on Monday, neither of which I've begun.
Da da dum.
Check out "Our Love" by Edge of Daybreak if you can find it...
Perhaps the most daring thing I did in high school happened in 10th grade, American History. My teacher was a black man, by the name of Sammy Davis, Jr. Mister Davis. I remember I greatly enjoyed some parts of Mr. Davis's class, because he was a superb lecturer. Then came the first test. I wrote a great essay, but it didn't contain the exact points that Mr. Davis made in lecture, so I got a C on it. In fact, I proceeded to suck complete ass at his essays, until I realized that all I had to do was reproduce everything he had said in lecture.
Clearly, I disagreed with this system. Eventually, we had an essay prompt dealing with Millard Fillmore. I did not and still do not know jack shit about President Fillmore. So, I proceeded to write my essay about how Mr. Davis's exams do not judge the knowledge of his students, but rather their inability to reproduce a very, very slim portion of what he had taught us.
I was so proud of myself, I'd stood up for myself, and voiced my opinion in an eloquent manner. Later he approached me and said that his way was the best way to go about things, and I agreed with him. Stupid me.
Belle & Sebastian - The State I Am In
Billie Holiday - Summertime
Super Furry Animals - Play it Cool
Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams
Cracker - Bicycle Spaniard
The longer I stay at Berkeley, the more I feel that everything should be open 24 hours a day. I mean, what better time to research a biology paper is there than 2 AM? Bah.
Right now I'm feeling really worried about physics. Upon reflection, I realize that I did really, really poorly on the last exam. Even if the mean is pretty low, it's very unlikely that I got an A on that test, which puts me in a pretty shitty position for my final if I'm hoping for an A in the class. Actually, that's my position for Math too. How sad.
I spent four hours studying in the library last night, and I didn't get a lot done, which is exceedingly sad, because four hours is a long time, especially on a Saturday night.
But that's the update of my banal life. Off to make my schedule...
