1.) See the Superb showing of Vanilla Sky
2.) See Mates of State on Sproul for free
3.) HKN video game night
4.) Study
5.) Go to Santa Cruz with the suite
6.) Go back to San Jose and see a friend's student production of "The Wizard of Oz"
The smart thing to do: 3, 4.
The cool thing to do: 2
The fun thing to do: 5
The lazy thing to do: 1
The thing I did: 6
I'm glad that I got to see Cary, (she was the Coroner of Munchkinland) but I don't know how worthwhile it really was. I mean, the play was an assuredly student production (interpret this however you will), but I really wanted to spend some quality time with her, and afterwards all I did was go to Denny's with basically the whole cast and watch Cary chat it up with her buddies. Good for her, not so good for me.
I guess those are the sacrifices you make to maintain your friendships.
As for the sacrifices made to maintain good grades, those come next ;-)
So in between my overwhelming desire to focus on friendships and cool clubs and groups and the parallel desire to study my ass off and get great grades lies the reality - I'm trying to do both to the best of my ability, and I don't know if it's working out.
Case in point: let's analyze this last week and what I've done.
Two radio shows, two large homework assignments, two big HKN things, a radio meeting, an hour volunteering at radio aside from that, getting trained at the OCF, an hour volunteering at OCF, a rather large MCB midterm which took an assload of studying...and I think that about sums it up for this week. Having an 18 unit schedule on top of all of this shit is just really, really time consuming, and I guess it's been taking it out of me. I love the radio station, though. I didn't used to as much, but now I do. I've been trying to brainstorm things to play, and I need to find *really* good Philly Soul, becuase that is going to be my genre. I swear, there is nothing I've found that I like more than that pure soul, but I have a really hard time finding it, and only a couple of groups and songs really do it for me.
I found one today that completely owned me, even though I've heard it before.
"The Echo" by the Epsilons
Hoooly fuckin' shit, this is a great song. If you guys don't know it, well, you're missing out. Beautiful harmonies, great instrumentation, perfect voices.
It eeeze gooood.
Did you know that I'm really tired right now? Well, I am.
I played broomball with the nerds today. Broomball is basically where you have brooms and a soft ball about half the size of a soccer ball, and you run around on a hockey rink in your tennis shoes and basically try to play hockey. I enjoyed it immensely. Plus, I got the opportunity to meet Frank. I'm going to remember Frank because...
a.) He's white (this is memorable)
b.) He said "kick you in the nuts" at least 10 times
c.) He bragged about how smart he was in high school physics, which is lame, but memorable.
In fact, I don't think I like Frank "I'm going to kick you in the balls" very much. Come to think of it, I haven't really met anyone great through HKN yet. It's different from radio - I feel like more of an outsider, I guess less of a geek. Plus, the people there don't really have open arms like the KALX'ers do. There's no Mona Meatball that I've met so far. Ah, well. Maybe the Mona Meatball of the EECS department is out there somewhere, and will be friends with me. I can always hope.
West Coast - 45.2 %
Mountain - 7.8%
Central - 0.3%
Eastern - 39.1%
Atlantic (Canada) - 7.3%
and also three hits from Europe.
OK, West Coast and East Coast, I've got you covered.
Hellos to people from St. Petersburg, Tampa, Gainesville and Tallahassee.
West Coast, Hellos to people from Berkeley, San Jose, Los Angeles, San Diego, Palo Alto and Portland.
I can honestly say that I don't know anybody living in Canada or in Mountain time. So...if you do, why don't you send me mail so I can get to know you too? Unless of course, there's some error with people on Eastern and Pacific accessing and getting some hour off error due to maybe daylight savings or something. In fact, I bet that's it.
But I'd like to think that somehow some 200 people have discovered my log quite randomly and wish to talk to me and know more about me. But judging from almost exactly the same percentage one hour east of Pacific and Eastern, it's probably a fluke. Which would really explain my 4 hits from central time, which makes complete sense.
And let me end the procrastination of studying here. Wish me sleep, luck and lots of get_comment_link(75542258)
OK, fuck being tired, and fuck my stupid midterm, this thing needs a real post. What happened to my every day posts and whatnot? Damn you webloggers with consistency and stamina.
So what do I have to talk about...I'm totally in love with this song from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, "Wicked Little Town". It's pretty repetitive and cheesy, but it seems so earnest and true and unassuming. I think I'd like for someone to say that to me, "and if you've got no other choice, you know you can follow my voice, through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town." College makes me feel very, very lonely sometimes. Even though I've met a lot of people that I care about, there's not really not enough, and sometimes it seems like they don't care. Yeah, it's kind of a pussy thing to say, but it feels like I'm on my own a lot, and it's kind of lonely and stressful sometimes.
I've had a lot less time this semester, so I guess I shouldn't pull shit like that, but when I'm sitting in this lonely room reflecting on what's happening in my life, I'm alone in more ways than one.
So, something needs to change, and I think that something is me. I think I need to stop eating alone so much, and just chill out with people, even random people in my classes. Spend less of that stupid reflective time in my downtime, and more time having good conversations with people.
If you've had a good conversation with me, you know exactly who you are, and I'd like to say to all of you, thanks a lot. You guys are the ones that put things into perspective, that make life seem real. All this school, all these clubs, they're just what you put on top of your life to make it look better to other people who are looking in. Deep down you know that you are your friends, your interaction with them, and that nothing matters quite as much as they do. Because no matter how much you fuck up in every aspect of your life, they'll be there for you, to talk about what really matters, and to help you work through the hard parts.
At least, that's what I think they should be there for. The bridge, the help with homework, the advice on classes all seems so secondary. I mean, three years from now who will give a shit about they're minor classes, their stupid homework assignments, their midterms that they're not studying for? It's not important, and putting all your focus on that seems like just throwing it away.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
At least, I really need to convince myself of this, because after the atrocity that is this semester...well, let's not talk about that right now.
Air - Sexy Boy
Res - Golden Boys
Blur - Girls and Boys
Book of Love - Boy
The Smiths - The Boy with a Thorn in His Side
So in an all out effort to avoid my math homework, I'm here in the residential computing center updating my nefarious weblog. Or not so nefarious, but whatever. I was pondering to myself the nature of friendship, and loneliness - how much of it stems from love, lust, curiousity, and other things that stray from the imagined reasons for friendship. Right now it just seems to me that people don't give much of a shit about me, and I'm wondering why.
It could be because they never really gave a shit about me, but I had an intriguing quality, as everyone does on the first meeting. The more you get to know somebody, the less intrigued you are by them, and the less you feel the need to talk to them incessantly, or even think or care about how they're doing. But is this how I think? I can't say for sure. It seems true to a certain extent, but I don't usually reflect on this sort of thing as it's happening. But it seems fairly reasonable, and it doesn't imply that I'm an asshole, which would be a much more difficult situation, nearly impossible to rectify. If people seem to sort of stop caring about you, is it because they come to this realization that they don't like who you are? Or are my standards simply changing at a different rate than their's are? That seems reasonable too. I guess I felt more at home at radio these last couple of weeks, but after being virtually ignored today, it makes me wonder. (Or have you picked up this thread of wondering already?) But upon reflection, it seems like I was usually pretty much ignored, and even the smallest interest in my well-being could have been inflated to an invitation of friendship. But now that I feel more at home and they exert the same level of communicativity, am I just overdramatizing what is basically the status quo?
Or is this just a frighteningly uninteresting topic...
Well, I go back on the radio in a little over six hours, and I encourage all of you to check it out. I'm not sure how things will end up, probably not as smooth as Sunday morning, but there could be some fireworks. So, that's http://kalx.berkeley.edu, from 3:30 AM to 6 AM.
So I return triumphant from my first radio show. It was actually pretty fun, I have complete control over your ears, muahahaha! The name: Captain Kangaroo. The music:
1. DJ Shadow - Influx
2. Zoe Keating - Music for 16 Cellos
3. Some Fiddle tune by Brenda Stubbert
4. Stereolab - Cybele's Reverie
5. Damien Jurado - Lose My Head
6. Neil Halstead - Driving With Bert
7. J Mascis - Leaving on a Jet Plane (on 7")
8. The Delfonics - Didn't I (Blow Your Mind This Time)
and a couple of random songs "Noiseferatu" grabbed randomly for us to practice queuing up vinyl. Regardless, I had a pretty good time. That's why I'm going to do it again, my first show by myself, from 3:30 to 6:00 AM Tuesday morning!
I'll probably still focus on not making an ass out of myself, so the music might not be great. Regardless, if I were you, I'd check me out.
The only downer to radio is that it really puts a dent in my schedule, as I'm sure you guys can imagine. I went to sleep at 10:00 A.M. and got my lazy self back up at around 5:30 P.M... So today I still have Physics homework, CS homework and Math homework. Wow, I'm pretty fucked.
