Picture this, me in Dwinelle Hall, taking a shit. The normal bathroom is closed, and I had to go to "Level E" to do my business. Normally I love to take a shit in Dwinelle, because despite it's incredible lack of cleanliness, it has the best graffitti of any bathroom I've ever seen. Regardless, the bathroom to which I was diverted was sterile, and actually quite nice. Everything came out OK, but then I realized the sad fact of the matter - there was no toilet paper. I glanced to the white tissuey paper of the toilet seat cover, and realized that it may be my only alternative. I tore a piece from under my left cheek, and tried to wipe my hindquarters, but alas, my piece was too small, and there was not enough friction to do a good job. I figured that at the least, I needed a nice large piece. I lifted my right cheek and pulled off a pretty sizeable amount. To do a good job, I realized I would have to reach all the way to the back of my bum. Determined to do a good job, I reached back and felt the cold discomfort of toiled water all over my hand.
How come these things don't happen to anybody else?
The Rentals - The Love I'm Searching For
Beck - Debra
New Order - Love Vigilantes
Pee - Andee Wants To Impregnate Me With One Half of Uncle Tupelo
Radiohead - You and Whose Army
So let's see. Yesterday I went to Jeff's b'day party, which was pretty good, but it really showed the dichotomy between Leland people and non-Leland people, as in, even the non-Leland folk with whom Jeff is friends (is that right?) didn't come. But still, it was good to see all those Leland people gathered in one place. I'll restrain myself from talking about the good ol' days in high school, because that would go against the very grain of my existence.
I can't sing today. Like, at all. My voice sounds like shit. That's not to say that it doesn't usually sound like shit, but today it sounds like extra shit. That wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I used to be a good singer by everyone's standards. Even at my Bar Mitzvah people thought I was a good singer, and while that was 5 years ago (and a lot of puberty ago), I'd like to think that I can sing a note without messing up. Maybe it's just because I don't sing regularly enough. Bah. Well, I'm hoping that this music class will change things, because I'd like to be a good singer.
I get the impression that this semester is going to be very difficult and will take my weekends from me and drown them in horrendously large piles of homework. I mean, for next week I have Physics, Math and CS homework. That's not to say that I didn't expect it, but I wish it weren't so soon. Dammit. I can never win, huh? I wanted break to end, but I didn't want school to *really* begin.
At least it's not 9.5 hours of breakless class, right? Ugh. I think I'm going to go to KALX today after CS and work in the library to get my hours for this week. I'd like to do homework on campus after that but I think the library closes early these days.
Ah, housing. I s'pose I'll be a cooper next year. I also suppose I should check that out so I don't end up getting raped trying to find an apartment. As if school weren't hard enough by itself, I have to try and find a place to live and make new friends and keep in touch with old friends and stuff. Creul, creul world.
No Knife - Hit Man Dreams
Nada Surf - Amateur
Dead Can Dance - The Arrival and the Departure
Sunny Day Real Estate - The Shark's Own Private Fuck
Violent Femmes - Gone Daddy Gone
Welp. Day 2 of school has been completed. I suppose I'll just run through the day, and while I don't like doing that sort of thing, it's kind of noteworthy, seeing as how it's one of the first days of school.
I attended Math lecture, at which point I was quite disheartened. I remember precious little about math, and the teacher seems friendly and nice, but moves *very* quickly and doesn't quite explain things in a clear manner. Where's good ol' Mr. Fuller when you need him?
I went to Music after that, and I sang in a large group and felt OK about it. Like...I think I match pitch pretty well, and I can sing a pretty good range and drop octaves well. I'm certain it will get more difficult. I'll have to review a lot of this stuff to get better. I watched some people playing the piano today, I remember nothing. I used to be able to play a fair number of songs, some of which were pretty complicated. Now I can play nothing except what I've written myself, which is pretty bad. Just chords. All in the key of C. Well...I think they are. But I'm not sure. Bah.
So after that I went to KALX and they told me that there's nothing for me to do. At least, nothing that results in hanging out with cool and interesting people, which was one of my larger goals of volunteering at KALX anyway. I'm hoping things look up, there's a good chance they will.
I spent 15 minutes there, since they didn't want me, and I spent my last pennies buying books (literally). So now I'm feeling poor, although my parents say they will pay for my stuff. Any way you slice it, waiting in line for those extended periods of time just sucks ass.
I went to Computer Science after the whole book snafu, and that class wasn't too bad. Good ol' Dan (the man) is teaching the class again, and since he's the man, the class has got to be good. I have a good CS login, cs61a-oz, and I kicked some lab ass there today. The TA seems intersting, and he says he's the best. I like having the best TA :-).
After this I proceeded to eat dinner (lasagna, fried shrimp, french fries, salad and cheesecake), and hang out with people for about 5 hours. I like hanging out with people, if you'll recall.
So Oleg was already approached by Richard (the Japanese fansubber/physics major with the name that does not correspond to his personality), and my likelihood of being Oleg's roommate is now grealy diminished, not that I knew how good it was to begin with. So now, I think I'm going to approach the coops about living there, although I should tell Oleg that he doesn't have to make some silly decision about with whom he wants to live.
Perhaps it will be better. I think the coops might attract some interesting people, and I'd like to think that I'm interesting. Plus, we have our own kitchen and whatnot, and I can live there year round, I think. At least, I hope so. Then I can spend the summer there and meet more cool people, etc. etc. Of course, the end goal of all of this would just be hanging out with people. So yeah.
I can't remember the last time I cried. The topic came up before, and I just thought about it and couldn't come up with a specific one. I used to cry on a fairly regular basis, since I'm just a pretty emotional person. But I haven't cried for the entire time I've been at Cal...not in New York either, I don't think. I kind of miss it, in that wistful way in which you miss something that you don't really like. Like if you were going to get a tumor removed, you might say you'd miss it. Or maybe not. Gah, now I just sound like a retard.
Maybe I'll cry tonight, for no apparent reason. I've been on the verge of tears a couple of times today, without a clear purpose. Just an emotional overload.
I haven't had a big public crying outburst since...at least the end of middle school. How interesting. Maybe I'm maturing, or just learning how to better mask my feelings. Or maybe I'm just pushing them down and not dealing with them, and someday they'll just snap.
I like Berkeley sometimes. Just the atmosphere of the campus, it's kind of liberating. Or maybe that's just me not feeling the nonexistent oppression of home or because it's only the beginning of the semester. Man. I feel like I'm completely talking out of my ass. That's usually a good place to end a post.
Reggie & The Full Effect - Thanx for Staying
Green Day - I Want to Be Alone
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon - Title Track (Yo Yo Ma)
Mystic - The Life
Radiohead - I Might Be Wrong
FTP|Back Online::169.229.107.118
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And so ends the first day of the second semester of my Berkeley education. I'd like to mention that this is the most hardcore load I've ever taken, and I have 9.5 hours of school related activity without a break. That's a lot, especially when all you're doing in this day is Computer Science, Physics, Math and Molecular & Cell Biology. So here are my highlights:
Having a non-sucky math GSI, and maybe a non-sucky year in math. I'm sorely lacking in the preparation area, but what can I say? I need to take the class, and maybe it won't suck complete ass.
We saw a real brain in MCB, and that was pretty nifty. It's not every day you come into contact with a human brain. Wow, that could be taken in a pretty harsh manner ;-)
I got to eat sushi (::drool::) and hang out with Joyce. Plus, we were given the opportunity to try mint skittles, and both gave it a hearty "what the fuck were they thinking?".
I learned some basic UNIX commands and was able to actually help some people in the section in which I'm a lab assistant.
I realized that not only can I not draw, but that I'm not universally loved either. God damn, y'know? ::sniff:: Love me!!!?
There are only three people who go to this log on a regular basis. Well...that's not necessarily true, but there are an average of 3 unique hits per day. So...hello Thing One, Thing Two and Thing Three.
There are a lot of things I really enjoy about Berkeley. I feel like I can hang out with lots of people, which is always good, but I feel like I haven't been able to quite be myself either. And I've been feeling a little like an asshole too. I'm not sure if I should be altering who I am to fit who I want to be even if it feels unnatural and whatnot.
Tomorrow I have my first music class since 5th grade. I didn't learn any theory in 5th grade. Or 4th. Or even 3rd for that matter. So I'm not sure how it will be. I feel like I'm both overly prepared and horribly underprepared at the same time. I mean, I've composed some almost not shit things (Listen...), but I can't tell you what key they're in or anything. And they're all in 4/4 time. And kind of lame. I think they're in the same key, since I can't figure out how to put a key signature into Cakewalk. I guess I'll put that on my list of things to do.
Right now I'm feeling a little over-honest though (even I will admit there is such a thing), and while I'd like to read such truthful feelings, I don't want to say anything my three readers might regret.
Chappaquiddick Skyline - Leave Me Alone
Ozma - Immagration Song
Damien Jurado - Desert
Pernice Brothers - Flaming Wreck
The Dismemberment Plan - Automatic
So as my illustrious vacation draws to a close, I find myself pondering what I have accoplished in this one glorious month of non-schoolness. Sadly, it is very, very little. Remember when I said it would be cool to record a live album or myself? That didn't happen. Or how about when I promised I'd write a song a day? Nope, not that either. I ended up staying up very late, sleeping very late, jerking off a rather inordinate amount and really just sitting around a lot. I got 5 new CD's - 2 live Howie Day shows, Howie's studio album, Gold by Ryan Adams and some jazz fusion album from KALX that I may or may not ever open. I realized that college is better than home, because I can at least hang out with people on a regular basis. I wrote 4 songs. I did a lot of recording in two days, and no recording the rest of the days. I learned how to play Risk. I want to hang out with more people. I want to grow as a person. I don't really have anything to say.
But I'm glad I'm going back, it's time. Actually, it's been time since fucking last week, but now I'm just ready. OK, I lost all inspiration for this post. Sorry guys. Maybe that's just the story of my winter break, loss of inspiration.
Jewel - Who Will Save Your Soul (c'mon, it's a fucking good song)
Some Hindi Artist - I Am a Disco Dancer (OK, it's a terrible song, but it's fucking hilarious)
Abba - Dancing Queen (now I'm just on a fucking roll)
Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It (see note for first song)
Vitamin C - Smile (possibly the worst song i've ever heard)
