Wow, my third post of the day. So in my rage against mp3.com about "Call Me", they decided to put it up. So go check it out, and tell me what you think! Call Me!
You know who really pisses me off? God damn Steven Chan. Why does this kid get all the breaks? Oooh, there's only one phrase to describe this. He really steams my vegetables. So in addition to beating my ass in the poison competition so bad I didn't even present my project, he has to have Dan Garcia, fuckin' Dan Garcia talk to him and specifically request that he builds web pages for him. Now Poison, I can understand this. My project, while I spent probably around 80 hours working on it, was not nearly as good as his. It's a fact, clean and simple. His project had better code, far superior art, and utilized more functions than I can imagine. But I said it before, and I'll say it again: his website is not *that* good. Just because he's willing to dish out the bucks for a domain name and has the resources to host his page or pay to have his page hosted, he gets to display his design. And his design is not *that* good. It's professional, it's clean, but it's not that creative or artistically sound.
And yes, I know I'm just really fucking bitter about this, but I wanted to win that damn poison competition. When he came in and trampled over my dream the first time, I was angry, but now that he's getting website commissions, which I've been asking for since I was in fucking 10th grade and never getting...oooh. Who is this kid anyway? Like, Super-fuck-me-in-the-ass-man? Why must he taunt me with his web page and his project and his damn modesty???
::sigh::
I don't think that kid would irk me so much if he weren't a nice guy. But he is. So I can't even call him an asshole without a) being wrong and b) sounding like I have a stick up my ass.
~
So Call Me will be up on mp3.com when they stop being such ninnies and start listening to my shit and approving it. ::grumble::
Today, I get to go visit the dentist. Yay. I've been kind of anxious about this and a string of e-mails I've been having, so I haven't been able to sleep in as much. Ever notice how when you're awaiting something good, time moves in slow motion, but when you're waiting for something icky, you can't slow it down? Well, now I know what happens when you're waiting for both at the same time. Man, too much stress for little old me. But I suppose it's better than being a couch potato all the time.
Man, I'm going to have to volunteer at the radio station 12 hours this month...which is going to boil down to about a week. Ugh.
Ryan Adams - Nobody Girl
Leahy - Colm Quigley
Further Seems Forever - The Moon is Down
Dashboard Confessional - The Brilliant Dance
Alexandra Scott - True Love
I don't think anybody reads this, neither can I blame you. If I could just ignore my life for a while and come back to it, I think I would.
So today I slept in, wrote some good e-mail, helped at speech, watched Moulin Rouge, ate with my family, did some shopping, got lost driving around, ate ice cream, and bought "Gold" by Ryan Adams.
Wow. Y'know, when I list it all out like that, it sounds like I did a lot. I guess since none of it is productive, I'm dissatisfied. Damn, I'm hard to please.
New musical suggestions lead to new big five lists.
Tortoise - Seneca
Cat Power - Nude as the News
Stereolab - Captain Easychord
Smoking Popes - Pure Imagination
Sleater-Kinney - Call the Doctor
Yeah, I'm sorry, I haven't written a nice long post in...a day. Yesterday was very difficult for me, and if you ask me very nicely I might tell you why. Regardless, I've been having these pretty incredible mood swings, mostly due to contact with my family, and other non-family entities.
Family = me depressed
Non-family = me happy
That's what it basically boils down to. So I'm ready to get my bitching little ass (ok, so it's not so little) out of San Jose and back to Berkeley. Less family contact should equal me being happier. At least I really hope it does.
Hm. I don't really have anything else to say. Oh, please hang out with me. I'm really a pretty nice guy, and I make funny jokes sometimes. Even if you're a real asshole or something, I'll still hang out with you, and maybe we'll both enjoy it. So yeah, click on that "Yours Truly" and send yours truly an e-mail. And we can hang out. I like hanging out.
Spinners - I'll Be Around
Beulah - Calm Go the Wild Seas
Pavement - We Dance
Fiona Apple - Paper Bag
The Halifax Pier - Strange News From Another Star
Oh, quick note. If I have any spelling or grammar errors, please tell me, because I'd like to have at least strong Enlgish skills. Plus, there's no spell checker, so that makes it a little more difficult. I take that back about grammar errors, because a lot are intentional. Like sentence fragments.
Got back from skiing today, right now I'm pretty tired. I probably shouldn't be, but I am. I dunno. I'm just feeling really depressed about things. Like...everything. I don't knnow if I have broad enough taste in music to be a successful DJ, I don't know about grades for the upcoming semester. I feel like I just want to lay in bed and cry about everything. But I won't do that, because I know the feeling will pass and I'll be stuck, alone with absolutely nothing to do.
I watched so many episodes of the Real World over this weekend, because it was on and I left my fucking book at home. Everyone has all these strange problems, these made for TV problems. This girl keeps throwing herself at me but I don't know what to do. I trash talk about people and now they don't like me. Blah, blah, blah. These are not problems that intersect with my life. I wish somebody would hit on me. People are always complaining about that shit, especially girls. What's your problem? Don't you want the ego boost that comes with somebody saying they'd like to sleep with you? Sure, it's just your body, but at least they like that. You don't know what it's like to just keep going, waiting for something relationship-related to hit you in the head, because that's what always seems to happen. At least, that's what it seems like from the outside in. I'm sure people have to take some sort of active role in starting a relationship, but I'm not good at being active. I just want to lay on my bed and listen to my trippy music and dream about a life more interesting than this one.
So yeah, I want to be on the Real World. Get MTV to find me some great job doing something the rest of the world only dreams of, live in a house fit for the fucking messiah, bitch about these problems which don't cut deep. So put me on. I'm sure people would love to watch a televised version of my life. It's got to be at least as good as this, right?
i am just a walking sigh, heaving my breath as the days go by
So yeah, not the best of days for little old me. I'm ready for school to start so I can at least ignore myself and just work. Do something that I'm at least OK at. Augh, I keep forgetting about all these little things I have to do. I need to e-mail Professor Harvey and tell him to let me be a lab assistant, even though I haven't filled out the form. I may have to modify my plan, because this might not work out. How infrequently everything goes according to plan.
And in terms of music, it just makes me even more depressed. All the songs I come up with are so musically uncreative, uninspired. 4/4 time, all in the same key (I don't even know which one, which is even more pathetic). My lyrics blow, my voice is terrible, it makes me want to sell my guitar and...get money for it, I guess. I don't even know what I'd want to do with it. Maybe buy some pornography. Or rent a video.
I'd like to join a band. I think it would be fun, and worthwhile. I'd be able to contribute small amounts and still have a greater output. Maybe it will expand my musical horizons. Or maybe taking music classes will. God, I don't know. When would I be able to be in a band anyway? And what would I play? My guitar skills are bad, I don't even want to reiterate about the singing. But all the great singer-songwriters with bad voices did fine. Aaaugh. Now I'm just rambling.
So I can't even hold a coherent thought. God damn it.
For those of you who requested my song, thank you. Mp3.com hasn't shown me any love because I don't pay them. So it might take longer than expected to get the song up. It's not worth the wait, though. So...uhm...forget about it, I guess. Then you'll be pleasantly surprised when you hear that it's up. Then you'll listen to it.
I feel like I just want to delete everything on here, and turn back the clocks. Start over. I wish none of this had happened. I wish I were just waking up from a dream into some glorious reality...
Sigur Ros - Staralfur
Julian Cope - Sunspots
Leahy - B Minor
Bright Eyes - Going for the Gold
Chappaquiddick Skyline - Everyone Else is Evolving
